My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
