You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
