I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
