the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Shame - the story of my life.
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