i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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