was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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