I wanna passion pit in your ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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