At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
