Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
