You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
