So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
