Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
