i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
