My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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