So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
