I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
