this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
