There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
