MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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