i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
