Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
