Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
