good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
