that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
