Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
