i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize