i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
