We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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