I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
