If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
