Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
