i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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