the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize