Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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