oh god the rape fog is back!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
