i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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