dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize