Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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