Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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