I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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