He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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