Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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