You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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