I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
