Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
