That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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