Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My hand turned me down
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
