Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
