I feel like abortions should bother me more
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
