I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
