I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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