Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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