Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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