Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
