Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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