yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
