Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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