my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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