we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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