oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
