Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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