I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
