you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
