So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
